Having young children in our home for the last 25 years has provided us the opportunity to see nearly every animated movie produced in the 21st century. Our family enjoys quoting lines from the movies and laughing and teasing each other with references we’ve picked up over the years. One of our favorites is a Disney movie from 2010 called Tangled. It’s the story of Rapunzel with a clever twist. In one scene, Rapunzel passionately shares her dream in a bar full of thugs, thieves, and hooligans as they prepare to dispatch her self-absorbed traveling companion Flynn Rider. These rough and tough characters pause… look around for a moment… then one by one start sharing their dreams in a musical number. Near the end of the song, they force a reluctant Flynn to join the singing and share his dream. The verse about what he wants in life goes like this:
"I have dreams like you – no really
Just much less touchy-feely
They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny
On an island that I own
Tan and rested and alone
Surrounded by enormous piles of money"1
We laugh at Flynn’s dream because it literally considers no one other than himself. Though his plan may be exaggerated, it’s an easy mistake to make. Before we lock in on the “What?” portion of our goals, we need to first consider our “Who?” and “Why?”.
Start with "Who?"
Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to spend a week at the Narrow Gate Lodge in the hills of Tennessee with three of my teenage boys. We helped some master craftsmen tear out and rebuild the ministry’s primary kitchen that feeds 30 people three times a day. The purpose of Narrow Gate’s discipleship program is to help young men ages 18 to 25 answer two questions:
- Who is God?
- Why am I here?
- Who are you or who will you be as a parent, grandparent, spouse, mentor, etc?
- Who do you want to spend your time with?
- Who will depend on you for support?
Follow with "Why?"
In 2009 Simon Sinek published a book called Start with Why. He points out that the “Why?” is what inspires us to be successful with the “What?” and “How?”. He references the Wright Brothers as an example of the power of “Why?”. These young bicycle shop owners with little money or education beat the well-funded and highly educated team of Samuel Pierpont Langley as the first in flight. How did that happen? Sinek makes the argument that Langley’s motivations were based on the “What?” of fame and fortune, while the Wright Brothers were focused on the “Why?” of providing the world with a flying machine that could change the way people live.2“Why?” provides the reason.
End with "What?"
Answering the questions of “Who?” and “Why?” informs the “What?”. Let me share a personal example. Our “Who?”As you may know, my wife and I have 16 children… so our list of “Who?” is long. One of our “Who?” goals is to spend time with our family. We desire to create weekly opportunities for our parents, adult children, young children, and grandchildren to get together. We also recognize that the family will depend on Nicole and me to provide the space needed for this to happen.Our “Why?”We believe people are more important than things. And family is a top priority. These are the people who will be in our lives for years to come. We believe intentionally investing in these relationships is worthy of our time and resources. Our “What?”Based on our “Who?” and “Why?” answers, we were able to determine our “What?” goals. We desire:- to have a home that not only provides for our basic needs but is also a place that allows large groups to gather and spend time together,
- to have enough financial resources to buy ridiculous amounts of pizzas, sodas, and ice cream,
- to have enough floor space to have a sleep over with 52 cousins,
- and to have a deck large enough to host Thanksgiving for the whole family.
Flynn at first failed to consider his “Who?” and “Why?” on the way to his “What?”. But don’t worry! As the story in Tangled continues, the team of tavern tough guys help out, and Flynn finally finds his “Who?” and “Why?”, significantly changes his “What?”, and is transformed from a thief into a prince. Your “Who?” and “Why?” will provide your vision and reason. Then you will be able to clearly define your “What?”. The end results are meaningful goals of high importance to you, worthy of your pursuit, and rewarding in your life and in the lives of those you love.Our team is happy to help you work through this process and add the “How?” to take steps toward accomplishing your “What?”. Share your dream with us. We promise we won’t make you sing it!